i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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