he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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