Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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