erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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