i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
