just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
