I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
