they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
