Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
