somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
