I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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