This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
