Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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