party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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