so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
