The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
