You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
