You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
