Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
