Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
