he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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