Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Randomize
