so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
