I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
