No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
