Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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