If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
