i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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