I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
