paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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