I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
