If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
