Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
that's an acceptable place to lick
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
