how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
