It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
