they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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