Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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