Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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