my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
