come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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