so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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