He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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