Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
