You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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