I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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