Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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