i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
