His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
