He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
