just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
