Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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