Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
