He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
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