i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
