True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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